It takes a village

'It takes a village to raise a child'     -African Proverb-

Although my bub is only 6 and a half months old, I have already found this to be so true.

I believe we were made to live in community. In so many cultures today, people still live in close proximity with one another, daily sharing meals and the weight of running a household together. Growing up in Vanuatu, I had a glimpse of a life shared with the village. Families would share their gardens and crops with one another, men would go fishing and share their catch with the village.  Mummas would work together for hours in the humid heat to cook lap lap (local food cooked under volcanic rock), which would be enough to feed up to 50 people. Children would play together, climbing trees and exploring.

Of course, this kind of life has it's dangers and I'm not saying it is perfect. All I am saying is community is so important. We are meant to do this life together. The expectation of our western culture to do it all, I feel, is unrealistic. Women should be able to cook every meal, keep their house clean single handedly. Apparently in our western world, women should also be able to work and advance their career, have a hobby, social life, do volunteer work and keep their hubby's happy as well! And when we can't meet this expectation, we feel like a failure. We were never meant to do it all. The load is meant to be shared. So take a breath Mumma. You don't need to do it all!

Recently I was chatting with one of my husband's work colleagues, a Mumma herself. She is originally from India and only recently moved here with her husband and her gorgeous 3 year old girl. She is living with her sister and their family. When she asked me 'So who is living with you at the moment, helping you with the baby?', she was shocked to hear I had no live in help. My response was 'Our families and friends have been very supportive, but at home it's often just me and Tobias.' 'Just me and Toby' seemed like the norm in my mind, but to this lovely Mumma, it was far from it. She went on to explain to me that in India when someone has a baby, their Mum (and if not Mum, then Aunty or other relative) will come live with you for at least 6 months. Nana will do all the cooking, washing and house jobs so Mum can just focus on bub. I explained to her that in Australia it's very common for Mums to have no live in help and sometimes very little support, depending on the individual family situation etc. Her response was simply 'So how do the Mum's do everything? How do they cope?'

This got me thinking, well I guess sometimes we don't cope! Post natal depression is not uncommon, and I do wander if our lack of community is a little responsible for this?

Being a Mum is the bestest, funnest, most beautiful and rewarding thing I have ever experienced and ever done, but it is also the most isolating.

So let's not forget to be each others village. Although we can't sit next to tropical beaches, eating mangoes and smelling the smoke of many fires, there is alot of things we can do. Take a friend a meal, have a play date, do a new Mum's dishes when you pop over for a cuddle (this saved me in the early days), share your baking and your herbs, and don't forget to ask for help if you need it. You don't need to do it all. You can take the pressure off and know it's ok to have the washing unfolded when you go to bed at night. You don't need to have your make up perfect, or have the latest most trendy outfit. If your kids are barefoot and their rooms are messy, try not to worry. Take it day by day, do your best and know that is enough. And hopefully along the way, we can be a better village too. We are better together.